I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
