Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
