Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
