i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's like iHOP with fire
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
