When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
