she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
