Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
