Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
