Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so much tequila, so little girl.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
