i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
