so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
