member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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