I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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