i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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