apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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