legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
