it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
