Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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