Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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