My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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