I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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