If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
