i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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