So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
