oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
