dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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