all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
