Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
