He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
