Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
