and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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