how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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