I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
