We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
