I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
