So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
