Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
