also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
