I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
