nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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