This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
