Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
