I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
