AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
