I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
