grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize