This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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