so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize