I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We left an ass print on the piano.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
