Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
