dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
