Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
