Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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