I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
from now on my penis is your penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
