but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
