i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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