just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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